Raising Lance/Transcript


 * [Scene: Iona Walnuts going out to get bubble gum yogurt.]
 * Ben: Hey, sexy. Wanna get high?
 * [The morning after the night before... Iona wakes up. She turns her head and sees she's lying in Ben's prison bed. With him. He is still asleep and has a big grin on his face. She screams.]
 * [Iona has dressed and is sneaking out. Ben wakes up.]
 * Ben: Morning, sunshine. Now you're officially my woman.
 * Iona: Uhhh, Ben. Last "night".... was a big mistake.
 * Ben: You're sooo obviously confused and pretty.
 * Iona: I should go.
 * [Iona leaves Ben's prison.]
 * Ben: But, BABY!! WHAT ABOUT YOUR SUPRISE?!
 * [At Iona's House...]
 * [Iona vomits in the toilet, and Edith looks unexpressive.]
 * Edith: Man, lucky for us the Hospital's nearby. How was date last night, fatso?
 * Iona: [defensively] Nothing. We just talked.
 * Edith: It's not like you slept with a stranger.
 * [Iona hangs her head in shame.]
 * Edith: OH... MY... GOD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
 * Luya: You're grounded! I thought you had some standards. I mean, jeez, you slept with BEN MINK, a #1 youngest criminal in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
 * Iona: That's enough, mom! Don't you think I feel bad enough already?
 * Edith: Nah.
 * [At the hospital...]
 * Dr. Deeya: Congratulations, Walnuts. You're pregnant. It's April 1982, that means in the second trimester, you'll begin to feel the baby movement and soon you'll find out the baby's gender from 20th week.
 * [At The Iona's house.]
 * 8 Months Later...
 * [Iona gave birth and holds the child.]
 * Luya: How did this happened?
 * Iona: It's like a wondrous affirmation of sex. And all from the touch of a boy's penis! In twenty years, I'll killed THAT FREAKIN' CRIMINAL!! [sweetly] Hmm, there goes my DNA. What a disgusting and beautiful process. I'm gonna call you " Lance".
 * Edith: You're a mom, now! HA!
 * Iona: Shut up, EDITH!
 * Rod: Apparently, the police told me that the father got banished into MEXICO.
 * Iona: DAMN.
 * [At Parenting School...]
 * Goldie Hawn: Welcome, teens. I'm Goldie Hawn and I'm gonna tell you about teen pregnancy. A female can become pregnant from sexual intercourse after she has begun to ovulate, which can be before her first period but usually occurs after the onset of her periods. Marriage can save you're child. FORCE THE MAN INTO THE DAMN MARRAIGE!
 * Teen Mom #1: I-I have a daughter, who's father is a Norwegian drug addict.
 * Teen Mom #2 I'm having TWINS...
 * Iona: Uh, Goldie! How do we know if the father wants to marry the girl?
 * Goldie Hawn: Many factors contribute to teen marriage such as love, teen pregnancy, religion, security, family and peer pressure, arranged marriage, economic and political reasons, social advancement, and cultural reasons. Some say that sex leads to AIDS and HIVs.
 * Iona: Now you tell me!
 * [END OF EPISODE...]